Couples Coaching

Get ready for something different.

Have you ever been to bad couples therapy? For 50 minutes a week, you revisit all your marriage’s “greatest hits” arguments with third-party scrutiny. No fun. We don’t do that here!

We are working toward your shared goal and helping you feel loved and united every step of the way.

Partners respond differently to strife.

Have you noticed how your body reacts when familiar strife arises?

You might be a fighter, flushed hot and arguing hard before you can stop it. Perhaps you’re a fleer, out of the conversation and the house before you know it.

Maybe you’re a freezer, shutting down and unable to form words. Or a fawner who stuffs down feelings, laughs it off, and appeases whenever friction arises.

Whatever your body’s reaction: tense, loud, explosive, shrinking, jittery, hyperactive, shut down, or repressed – a stress response isn’t how you want to respond to your love.

First Things First

We must break these habits, so our bodies can build new habits. Our tools include eye-gazing, breathing together, body meditations, and gentle holding. Simple but powerful!

It isn’t worth talking about hard things until the body can return to calm and security together. In a few weeks, your bodies will be ready to communicate.

Communication in coaching is well-contained. There are rules for each exercise, and each activity has a beginning and an end. We stretch your capacity to hear each other without taking things personally or falling into fight/flight/freeze/fawn.

As listening skills grow, sharing more deeply comes naturally. Any time the body shuts down, that’s ok. Shutting down means we find an edge, and it’s back to the co-regulation of the nervous systems with plenty of love and appreciation for each other.

Next comes healing.

We bring baggage to our relationships. Here, one person is in a somatic process, and the other supports (with plenty of guidance on how). We may explore the influence of parental dynamics on the relationship and spend some time with the inner child who often runs the show.

So many of us slip into old wounding patterns around our partner, and it just doesn’t serve the thriving of the relationship. Healing work helps to untangle unconscious patterns and makes connection easy.

Couples say they learn a lot about each other from the healing portion of our work, making it easier to be compassionate and understanding toward each other.

If you’ve chosen a goal of sexual thriving, you can participate in intimacy exercises near the end of our work. You can receive these exercises as written instructions to do on your own or as audio guidance.

Who is a good fit for couples coaching?

Couples with a solid foundation of care and respect for each other are a good fit.

It is ok if things are tough or have been tense for a long time, but this work is for couples who love each other and want to grow together.

I specialize in couples affected by shared grief and couples who want to rediscover intimacy after a long sexual dry spell. The two groups overlap. Grief can cause a rift between loving couples, especially if they share grief, like losing a child. Such shared grief can last for periods without physical touch.

Other factors can cause a sexless marriage, such as life changes, body changes, physical ailments, or traumatic life events. Whatever your situation, you are worthy of enjoying pleasure together, and it is never too late to find each other with a loving touch.

How does Couples Coaching work?

Couples coaching is six months with three Zoom monthly meetings (with some rest weeks built-in) for $7,200. It is best if you can be in the same room for at least half of our meetings, as many of these tools involve physical closeness.

Contact me today for more information.